I know… I’m always wayyy behind with my posts. This time..: almost 1 year since I started and gave up – we call it “to scratch” – my Transiberica Race 2024! But: The topic of scratching is a general one. And the introspection about why I scratched – and dare I claim: why we scratch generally – also lead me to my very currently relevant decision whether to do another race, as you will find out.
[This post is essentially a copy of my Instagram post published in Winter 2024/2025]
Scratched. DNF (did not finish). Last summer (2024) I abandoned the fantastic ultra-cycling race Transiberica on day 2. Why? Turns out ultra-races are quite exhausting!
Jokes aside… it was a very good decision. It was the first big race for me to not finish, and a good experience.
In these kinds of events you’re usually in some way at your physical and/or mental limits. That limit always lies at a point where two elements are in equilibrium: suffering/exhaustion & motivation/joy. When suffering is high, you need to match it with higher motivation. A stronger will to really pull it off. And vice versa: if you’re having extra fun and motivation, you‘ll also push it just a little further. You seek to maximise your potential, and exploit it. That’s why these events are *races* and not tours.
In these kinds of events you’re usually in some way at your physical and/or mental limits. That limit always lies at a point where two elements are in equilibrium: suffering/exhaustion & motivation/joy.
I‘ve always been notoriously under-prepared for these kinds of races, from a training perspective (usually doubling my yearly mileage with the race). On the one hand I‘m certainly lucky with my fitness predisposition, on the other hand I was always very excited about the adventure and longing for all the rewards that come with it, and surely had a proper tolerance for suffering; especially on my first races (e.g. TCR06) that was my big advantage that allowed me to achieve and experience pretty cool things that stick with me for a lifetime.
Equilibrium part 1: suffering/exhaustion
Last year all those factors of the equilibrium were a bit askew: by the time of the start I had only around 2000 km in, and most of the longer rides many months back. I simply hadn’t prioritised making the necessary mileage. Also thanks to starting a fantastic new job and in the course of it re-prioritising all the fun stuff I do with my life, so: fitness was at a remarkable low. In a sense it was like I was testing out once again: what’s the minimum training needed to master such a race? Turned out: it‘s more than I had. The result: an extraordinary level of suffering.
In a sense it was like I was testing out once again: what’s the minimum training needed to master such a race? Turned out: it‘s more than I had.
Fellow rider Nora Battermann pulled the trigger at the right moment to capture my exhaustion perfectly. Thank you! See pic below. At this point on Stelvio Pass, at corner 15, 200km/3500m behind me that day (it would end with 250km/4300m), I was so exhausted, I had to lie down at the side of the road, in the rubble, and close my eyes, even dose off a little.
After the Stelvio ascent, arrival on top (pic 3 below), descent down to Bormio (clip on Instagram), and a night of „sleep“ in a parking facility in Sondrio (pic 4 below), I did not see myself doing another 2 alpine passes and hundreds of km the next day, and the same for many more days in a row. My form may have improved, as it always does over the first „training days“ of a race – if I would just find the grit!
Equilibrium part 2: motivation/joy
Which leads to the second part of the equation: motivation/joy. With the right amount of it I might have pulled through. But somehow it wasn’t there. And it made me think deeply, whether the motivation needed for this kind of races could still be found anywhere within me, in general. Maybe I had simply experienced all the things I can and want, with all my trips and races over the years? Maybe there’s nothing left unexplored that would give me enough feeling of longing to carry myself through the suffering that is an inevitable part of these races..? It certainly felt that way in that moment. My motivation and longing for the achievement wasn’t strong enough this time.
Maybe I had simply experienced all the things I can and want, with all my trips and races over the years? Maybe there’s nothing left unexplored that would give me enough feeling of longing to carry myself through the suffering that is an inevitable part of these races..?
So.. next day I took a heavenly swim in Lago di Como (clip on Instagram), cycled to Milano to chill a bit, and officially called my DNF with Carlos of Transiberica. It would later turn out I‘d find the BEST alternative to the now abandoned race, and an entirely new passion: proper hiking (pic 5 below) that I will explore more in the future.
Is ultra-racing still for me?
In the months after the race I gave this a good thought: is this kind of extreme cycling still for me? I came to the conclusion: YES!
I‘ve enjoyed some of the most amazing – quasi transcendent – moments of my life while doing ultras. And I want to and can experience it again. This feeling of curious exploration, mesmerizing landscapes, the wordless empathy and connection to all the kind riders and organisers. Especially since Transiberica managed to curate an equally appealing route again in 2025: I‘ll be part of it!
This time I had more deliberate preparation. For the first time in my life I was very active in the winter, preparing for a marathon I ran in April (Vienna). Then back to cycling, and while my yearly mileage is still ridiculously low, it is at a level that in the past was enough to pull off good races. I feel well enough prepared for a lower suffering-to-joy ratio, and an – I think – newly ignited motivation to keep that equilibrium high.
Next up: Transiberica again! Start: 19th Aug. 2025 – Cap 92
So, if you’re interested in following me and all the fellow riders on that journey, HERE you will find out more about the race and where to live-track all riders, including myself, Malte, Cap 92
CYCLING TOURIST 